HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
