Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
