I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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