if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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