we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
