Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
