Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Fuck appropriateness.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
