now i know why i became what i already was.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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