So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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