my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
