im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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