Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
