apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
