After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
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i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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