I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
