hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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