so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
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These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
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Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
there is glitter all over my balls
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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