he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
