have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
