I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
