remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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