I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
