her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
