I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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