I like my sex mixed with concussions.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
