Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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