Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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