Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
