So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
