you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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