why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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