Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
