i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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