I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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