at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
