I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
