I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
