A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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