My friends, they love my intelligence
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
