Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
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I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
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My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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