Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
