I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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