why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize