He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
