Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
