this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
