is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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