Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
