he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
