Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
