No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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