White coat. Heels.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
