that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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