made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
