Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Can I color on your dick again?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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