if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
