TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
