im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
