clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
