I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
