She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
