I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
