We named our party play list daddy issues
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
