If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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