grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
