Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I love having hate sex.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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