Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
did you just send me my own nude
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
