good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
