Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
