nutella sex= disaster
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
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Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
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It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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